‘Twas the night before Christmas, and it’s plain to see
That everyone’s excited by the gifts ‘neath the tree;
The stockings are hung by the Fireplace flue,
There’s one for each person, except Jasper with two;
The children are pretending to be sound asleep,
But intermittent giggles betray curious feet;
Mama is resting with the cat in her lap,
He has just settled down for a third evening nap.
Then out from the basement arose quite a noise,
The children ran screaming, “It’s Santa with Toys!”.
My body exhausted, my heart full of dread,
“Some assembly required” the packages read.
Quickly I grabbed all the blankets around,
The presents aren’t ready, they must not be found.
When, what to my reddening eyes I behold,
Two beautiful children, too adorable to scold.
Their questions ’bout Santa, set my mind off a tick,
I needed some answers – and I needed them quick.
The children must leave or they’ll see broken toys,
So I put finger to mouth and asked, “Hear that noise?”
“Up, ‘jammer! Up, Tsojcanth! Move back Mordenkainen!
The kids are awake and the neighbor’s complainin’!
The children just laughed and said, “Dad you’re a hoot!
Those aren’t their names!” but the point was now moot.
“Up now to bed” I said with a smile
Daddy will be downstairs for a while.”
So up to their bedrooms the children they flew,
With thoughts full of toys, and their stockings, too.
I went to each bed, gave a hug and a kiss
I know it’s all worth it – their smiling is priceless.
With vigor renewed, I descended the stairs
and re-read the instructions to make some repairs.
Page two of toy one and page one of toy two
Had been stuck to each other. Now what would I do?
Christmas came the next day, there was joy in the house.
I got a new game and my wife got a blouse.
The children were happy but were never quite sure
Of the mogrified thing that was sprawled on the floor.
The misshapen lump was just full of surprises,
It had five shiny wheels, each of them different sizes.
And seats for two kids faced in opp’site directions,
A flag on the kickstand and a missing midsection.
Over its circumference stuck rolls of duct tape,
The kids were so grateful, they just stood mouths a-gape.
Fueled by my coffee and lack of good sense,
I thought I was clever to avoid high expense.
Fathers take heed of the price that was paid
Don’t be a cheapskate, buy the presents pre-made!
I’m grateful to have a warm home full of love,
My family and friends are each gifts from above.
I hope you are cheered by my fictional plight,
Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night.